


it's so easy

by lady_mab



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Regency, M/M, Regency Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-10-01 17:56:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20357782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lady_mab/pseuds/lady_mab
Summary: It's not until Cascabel's hand draws away that Even realizes he had still been holding onto it. "I will not keep you, Mx. Till," he says politely, and Even hopes that he's not imagining the same degree of disappointment. "I hope that you will save another dance for me, Captain Gardner," Cascabel says with a slight bow.His response is caught in his throat, unable to work its way out by the time Cascabel is lost to the crowd.





	it's so easy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [notawaer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/notawaer/gifts), [quarendered](https://archiveofourown.org/users/quarendered/gifts).

> Talk to me, I love that sound  
Out of words when you're around  
I've been trying to come down  
On a high when you're around  
Lift me from the ground  
\-- [san holo - 'lift me from the ground'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhBkz7vXwis)

Cascabel's hand is calloused—a workman's hand, despite his recent come into money. Not even the new appointment would cause him to stop working, Even thinks, as he studies the way their palms press together.

"You're thinking about something," Cascabel says, voice barely audible over the chatter and the music. It's said in the brief moment as they swing past one another in the steps of the dance. "I can see it on your face."

"Nothing important," Even says, and Cascabel makes a face that is equally amused and disbelieving. "Perhaps—" he starts, then they are moved away again.

Despite the steps separating them, Cascabel continues to watch him from over the tops of the heads of the other dancers. A spark in his eye, curious to figure out what had been left unsaid.

Eager to get back to their position beside one another in the dance.

"Perhaps?" Cascabel presses as their hands meet once again.

"Perhaps I am a bit nervous," Even confesses, leaning in close to say it before he is spun away.

"Captain Gardner, you must think me a fool if you would expect me to believe you got nervous." This Cascabel says loudly enough to be heard even though they are apart, earning amused looks and laughter from the other dancers.

Even lets the statement hover, enjoying Cascabel's mounting curiosity—though he didn't press the topic any further.

When the dance ends, Even catches onto Cascabel's hand before he can move to far. "A moment—" he starts, but then there is a hand on his shoulder and something in Cascabel's expression shifts from the easy, eager smile.

Even knows who stands behind him without even having to look. "Arin, I didn't think you braved the dance floor."

"Come now, we haven't been separated for that long," they say, shifting around to stand beside Even. "In fact, I was hoping you could indulge me in a dance."

The bottom doesn't quite fall out from Even's stomach, but disappointment overtakes him before he can have the chance to stop it. "A dance." It's more of a question than he means for it to be.

"Unless the Captain begs exhaustion?" It's less of an out than Arin is making it sound like.

It's not until Cascabel's hand draws away that Even realizes he had still been holding onto it. "I will not keep you, Mx. Till," he says politely, and Even hopes that he's not imagining the same degree of disappointment. "I hope that you will save another dance for me, Captain Gardner," Cascabel says with a slight bow.

His response is caught in his throat, unable to work its way out by the time Cascabel is lost to the crowd.

Arin's hand lands on his shoulder, turning him to face them, and line up with the other dancers. "Even," they say with a tone that is not quite admonishing as it is exasperated. "You can't possibly be serious about this…"

"_This_?" Even echoes, quirking an eyebrow. He has a very good idea he knows what they're referring to, but he's in no mood to play along.

The expression on Arin's face lets him know that they see right through his act. "With Mr Cascabel."

"I'm afraid, Arin, you're going to have to be a bit more descriptive if you want me to understand your concern."

The frown twitches a shade darker. "Be careful around him." Before Even can get the chance to ask if they're concerned about Cascabel, Arin continues on to say, "He's young. He'll grow bored of you." A beat, concentrating on the steps of the dance as they contemplate something. Then, when the two of them are brought back together, they sigh and say, "It will hurt if you keep going down that path."

There's a part of Even that still remembers what it feels like to lean into Arin's touch—the way their hands feel on every part of his body. Lips that would whisper actual concerns instead of…

Even snorts, shaking his head. "You mean he'll hurt me like you did?"

This doesn't get the flinch that he's hoping for, and he has to force the memory of the familiar touch out of his mind before they step together for the dance. Instead, Arin scoffs. Doesn't quite roll their eyes, but it's close. "We were both young then. It's different."

"Is it?"

Arin looks down at this. "Just because we're separated doesn't mean that I don't care for you, Even." They reach out, and press a hand to Even's cheek. He goes absolutely still beneath the touch, a wild beast caged in Arin's grasp. This, all over again. "We're merely two very different people, now."

It still hurts, Even thinks, as he reaches up to cover Arin's hand with his own. "We weren't, once," he says, voice quieter than he means it to be. More tender, than he wants.

Their expression softens, something echoing the emotion in his own voice, Even thinks.

It takes a second for Even to register that it's _pity_.

"We are, now," Arin says, equally quiet, the potential for tenderness dissolving as soon as Even recognizes the expression for what it is.

Even stops where he stands, pulling Arin's hand away from his cheek with less force than he would like, but more than is due in this situation. "Then don't presume to think you know what is good for me." His words are clipped with military efficiency, no room for an emotion of his own despite the rage boiling just beneath the surface.

He about-faces before he can process Arin's reaction and storms out of the hall before the musicians even have a chance to realize the disturbance.

Someone calls his name, but he ignores it.

His feet carry him out through one of the doors thrown open to the back garden, and he moves with an aimless determination. The chill of the late fall air hits him in the face, and he gasps at the sudden shiver that travels down his spine. It does little to ease the burning frustration, but it takes the edge off his pace. Slowing him down until, eventually, he stops.

Even takes a gulp of the cool air, holding it in for a moment before letting it out slowly through his pursed lips. His eyes dart around, trying to assess the situation despite his clouded mind.

Hedges stretch up over his head, curving back one way then another in either direction. They're tall enough that they block out the lights of the manor, though there are faint glows from lanterns throughout—including the one hanging just beside a stone bench.

A laugh forces its way out of his throat, and he drops down onto the bench with a heavy sigh. "A hedge maze. Of course Kent would have a hedge maze in his backyard…"

The energy that kept him upright , from breaking his sense of decorum back on the dance floor, finally drains from him. He doubles over slowly, lifting his hands to his face, and breathing deep into his palms.

Trying to keep together. Trying to not slip back into the place he was right after he moved out.

He can still feel Arin's touch on his cheek—on his shoulder, on his arm and chest and lips on his jaw, their warmth familiar and cloying after years—

Someone comes crashing through the hedge maze, and Even's shoulders tense. He can't face anyone right now, doesn't even know how to extract himself from the situation. _Don't notice me,_ he thinks, desperate. _Just keep walking_—

And then a hand lands on his shoulder and he can't help the way he reacts to the touch. He looks up as Cascabel slides onto the bench beside him, concern and worry etched into every line of his face.

He has to say something. Because if he doesn't, he'll end up sitting there, content to study the angles of Cascabel in this light. "I'm sorry—"

"Don't," Cascabel says immediately, his hand lifting—hovering just above Even's lips. Unwilling to touch, though the impulse was there. "You don't have to apologize."

"I didn't want you to have to see that side of me…" The side brought out by Arin, the too-sharp pieces of him that are still trying to mend.

Cascabel's hand flits in the space between them. It glances over Even's shoulder, then drops to graze his knee. Uncertain of where it wants to land, but unable to pull away. "I want to know every side of you," he says with an honesty that makes Even's chest ache.

"Please, don't—" Even tries, the words tripping out on the tail end of a dry laugh.

Fingers finally settle, however lightly, on Even's jaw. Just the pads, calloused and warm. As if he didn't hear what Even said. "What?"

Even can't help himself. He's tried so hard, but the touch is gentle and it’s a presence he craves. He leans into it, a soft exhale slipping past his lips as Cascabel's hand shifts to press his palm to Even's cheek. "Don't be like this. Making it difficult."

The hand doesn't shift, and Even closes his eyes. "I don't mean to—I can go, if that is what you wish."

He shakes his head, and lifts his own hand to cover Cascabel's. "No… please… Stay here. Just a little bit longer."

Cascabel shifts, and Even moves with him. They're leaning in close enough that their foreheads almost touch. He can feel Cascabel's breath on his lips, and the broken pieces of him begin to knit back together.

Even can feel the anticipation and tension and worry rolling off of Cascabel's frame in waves. He drops his hand to Cascabel's thigh—pulling away almost as quickly as a shiver passes down Cascabel's spine.

But then he puts it back, traces the curve up to Cascabel's waist, lets his fingers curl around the small of his back.

It would be _so easy_, he thinks.

And then Cascabel's voice breaks as he says, "Even, I want—" and Even closes the meager distance left with a kiss.

It's so light it's barely a kiss at all, and they're so close that it's hard to tell when it stops. But Cascabel's fingers curl around the lapels of Even's jacket to keep him in place as he pushes back in for a proper kiss.

Even's free hand lifts, fingers grazing the lines of Cascabel's jaw, his throat—tangling back in his hair and pulling him in closer. It is _so easy_, so comfortable. His mind goes blissfully silent, focus narrowing down to Cascabel's lips—Cascabel's fingers in his hair, his soft gasps as Even trails kisses down his jaw and neck, the utter calm that settles over him at the rightness of this moment.

Distant voices eventually form his name—a concerned call from Gig and Echo looking for him.

Even starts to pull back, a faint frown forming on his lips, but Cascabel's fingers curl around his tie and he gives a gentle tug.

"I think we've met our social obligations for the evening," Cascabel says, pressing light, lingering kisses to Even's jaw.

"I think you're right." Going back meant having to part from this. It meant having to see Arin again, but even the thought of that doesn't bring the same sort of dread that it used to.

Not when he can feel Cascabel's lips curl into a smile. "My place is nearby. Shall we cut this evening short?"

Even tilts his head down to capture Cascabel's lips in a kiss—then a second and a third despite the voices getting closer to their spot. "I'll apologize to Kent and claim fatigue later."

Cascabel rises to his feet, and tugs Even up after him. "Follow me, then. I know a back way out of here." He winks at the question evident on Even's face. "Kent's property backs up to the park, and from there it's just a quick shot to mine."

"Lead on," Even says, his hand fitting comfortably into Cascabel's. And it's so easy, he realizes with a surge of fondness, to follow after.

**Author's Note:**

> And then they go home and it's the first night in their long and happy life together thanks for coming to my ted talk 😌
> 
> Thank you Muna for giving me an excuse to write the Bugsbands, and damn Paz you have no idea how much I wanted to have this done so I could give it to you at flamecon and enjoy the look on your face as you read it. 
> 
> Do you, too, want to give the gift of fic to someone? [Check out how here](https://lady-mab.dreamwidth.org/342348.html), still going for the month of August!


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